So I was going to wait and post this tomorrow but turns out I have a bit more free time tonight so here goes!
THINGS NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT BECOMING A MOTHER:
1. You will not instantly know which cry stands for what. Oh you learn quick enough but it's not instant.
2. You will never pee by yourself again. If by chance you do get in there and get the door shut before the "little person" can come in.. you WILL see little fingers under the door and hear, "mommy.. whatcha doing??". I haven't peed alone in almost 19 years. True Story.
3. You have to take care of these little people no matter what you feel like, how tired you are, or no matter if you have a 105 degree temp and you're throwing up your toes. They don't care.
4. They will break your heart. One way or another they will, and they will do this repeatedly.
5. You will never become a master. By the time you figure out the perfect bottle schedule, they're ready for sippy cups, perfect diaper changing in 6.8 seconds or less, it's time to potty train, figure out a way to soothe their colicky selves, they outgrow it. You'll never have the upper hand.
6. You can't kill other people's mean kids. No matter how awful they are to your child, it's still against the law. I still think there should be one day a year, but no matter, Mr. Government doesn't agree. Now, if he was Mrs. Government and had children it'd be a whole other story!
7. They will someday tell you that they hate you. On an up note usually you're so pissed off that it doesn't really hurt you when they say that! lol
8. They will tell their pre-school, and Kindergarten teachers every single thing you say or do and god forbid you give them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for supper one night that will be the first words out of their mouths to their teacher. Guaranteed.
9. They will get sick and it will hurt your heart like nothing else.
10. They will get their hearts broken and just as it is illegal to kill other peoples children, it's also illegal to kill teenage boys. Though I do think Mr. Government should re-evaluate this law.
11. They will grow up and leave you. This hurts the most by far.
12. They will love you forever.
13. They will make every single sappy song you hear on the radio bring you to tears. Examples: "I hope you Dance" ; "My wish"; "Butterfly kisses" The list goes on and on.
14. They will be your legacy, which is pretty dang cool.
15. They might well be the only thing in which you own outright!
There are a great many more secrets but alas, I'm afraid if I divulge too much the "Mothers" of the world will hunt me down and delete my blog all together. I think their theory is if they must experience all of this first hand, then so must you.
Peaceout Girlscout
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